


this is the end of everything

by bulletthestars



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-10-08
Packaged: 2017-12-28 20:41:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/996445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bulletthestars/pseuds/bulletthestars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keke finds that there are some things that he cannot quite forget. (Like Niki, and how he'd never have him because Niki only has eyes for <i>James</i>)</p>
            </blockquote>





	this is the end of everything

There's something that unsettles Keke Rosberg about being in the paddock with Niki Lauda. They're old men now and to be perfectly honest, Keke supposes that he wouldn't be beneath calling the both of them retirees. Well, not exactly, since they're still out there doing things, working in their own ways. But they are retirees in their own right, having left the world of Formula One. Yet here they are on race day, together in the Mercedes garage, waiting for the lights to go out.

It used to be different. Keke remembers looking at Niki. From across the paddock, cigarette in between his fingers, exhaling smoke as he watches the other driver. Niki with his cap and the wrinkles at the edges of his eyes, clad in red. McLaren red, not world championship winning Ferrari red. But Keke hadn't been there back then, he had been doing stints in the lower Formulas, looking for a way into Formula One while Niki had been winning championships. Then in 1982, Niki had made his return to Formula One and Keke had, well, watched him. But the championship had been Keke's that season, he had only one win at Dijon-Prenois but he had made it, against all odds. Yet it had never stopped him from looking at Niki. There had been something about him that drew Keke to him, something he couldn't quite place his finger on.

But Niki only has eyes for James. It doesn't become apparent to Keke until Saturday at Brands Hatch, and until today, Keke doesn't know how he could've missed it. The way Niki looked at James had been different from the way he had looked at everyone else. There had been a sort of light in his eyes, like something about James had flipped a switch inside him and made him an entirely different person. Keke remembers smoking, bare chested, leaning over the barriers and watching James speak with Niki. When Keke thinks about it, he can still feel the summer heat, warm and sticky. He hadn't thought much of it back then, but later, much later, the realisation dawned on him because really, he should've known.

Nothing could've stopped Keke from looking though. The years had gone by, race after race after race and Niki wins his third world championship at McLaren. Keke hadn't expected anything, to be honest. He had merely watched. He smokes a cigarette, peels off his racing overalls because it's far too hot, and continues watching. Rinse and repeat, tries not to get caught. Nothing more.

Yet somehow, they had ended up in bed together. There's always an excuse to be made when you go drinking, be it a case of drunken fumbling or mistaken identity. Whatever the excuse was, Keke had woken up in the morning to Niki hurriedly dressing by the morning light and leans back against the pillows, watching. He had made no attempt to pretend that he was still asleep, and Niki had known.

Keke remembers thinking that if he closed his eyes, he could imagine Niki above James, clutching at James' shoulders and swearing under his breath as he rode him. Shirts pushed up and jeans and underwear shoved down to mid-thigh. Gasps and moans and harsh breathing and marks, lots of marks. Bite marks and red lines clawed into skin. Possession and anger and rivalry and a mad sort of love. It wouldn't be too far from reality.

Now he's standing here, in the same garage as Niki and god, how things have changed. His son is the one racing now and Niki's his boss, more or less, and Keke wonders how it could have been that not too long ago (thirty years, to be exact, but it still feels like it was just yesterday) he would've given almost anything to be in that position, to speak about something at length with Niki, even if it was just about a bloody car and nothing else. There's a dull throb inside, like seeing an old sweetheart and vaguely remembering the excitement you used to have when you had first laid your eyes on them.

Later on, someone asks to take a photo of Keke and Niki. They smile at one another, as contemporaries. No longer rivals, but not exactly friends, two relics from a bygone era. The shutter goes off with the familiar click, and Keke knows that their time is gone.


End file.
